Is it paranoia or truth?

[cronqvists]

I feel as if I’m being replaced; like my worth to someone has run its course, and now I’m being discarded, forgotten, shoved to the back of the closet to make way for all the new shiny things. Is this all I’m worth? A crutch to make you feel better until you no longer need me? I feel so dispoable these days. Almost every close friendship I’ve pursued in the last 6 years has ended on undesirable terms. And I won’t act like I’m not at fault for it either. I’ve always been terrible at keeping constant communication up with others. I need to understand that others will grow bored and detached from me if I don’t give them a reason to stick around. But still, I’d like to think that the trust we built between each other was enough for them to understand that I’m always there for them, even if I’m mostly silent at times. I will break that silence in their time of need.

I’m just a quiet person. I like the peace and quiet, and tons of interaction easily exhaust me. A little bit of a cruel trait for me to have, considering my desire to reach out to others. It’s so pitifully tragic. Haha.  

I’m really tired. My feet hurt from my 10 hour shift, and I have another one tomorrow. A meager 12 hours in between to sleep and do whatever else I need to. Tomorrow is also my 24th birthday, so happy birthday to me, I guess. Time keeps passing by quicker and quicker with each year. I remember when a single school year as a small chils felt like eternity. I was always exited for summer. It makes me feel so nostalgic, thinking about those humid days at my grandmother’s house - getting into all sorts of nonsense with my older cousins. I don’t remember a lot from my childhood because of my emotional trauma, but I remember my grandmother’s house and the times I spent there. It was a sanctuary for me back then. I never knew how lucky I was to have her. 

Anyway, time to sleep.